spring 2022 collective grief ceremony
Dear fellow deep-thinking, change-seeking woman,
At UNDERMININGnormal, we hold collective grief ceremonies seasonally. While loss, disappointment and heartbreak are normal parts of life (there is no way to care, to participate, to love, work, dream, build anything meaningful in a life without something breaking or ending at some point) in my culture, we act as if that’s not the case. Grief is ok in certain instances - like if someone you care about dies, but eventually you’ll get over it.
Like a lot of thinking about how we live our lives - our personal development, our relationships, our careers - there are stages and you make your way through them one by one. It’s linear in a way that nothing actually is in life. Least of all during times of deep transition.
Is it different for you in your culture? Is the subject, and experience, of grief normal? Is there space and acceptance for it, for you, when you feel your shapeless, non-directional, omni-directional, cyclical, surprising, tender, stuck, painful, love-soaked, desolate feelings? Or do you also try to exclude what is transpiring inside you as if it, you, don’t belong, not like this?
I’m not an expert in grief. This is just the third season of collective grief ceremony for me. I just believe that we need to support each other in our respective journeys, and that grieving is part of it.
what to expect
The collective grief ceremony isn’t meant to resolve or settle anything.
We’ll be off-camera and you won’t be asked to share. There will be no photos or breakout rooms. This is just for you, so you can be with your grief privately, within a space of collective caring and acceptance.
We’ll have three sessions of private journaling to support us in naming, recognizing and claiming our respective losses, sadness and grief.
I will guide us through and keep time, though there will be no pressure to finish, and at the end of the third session, we’ll go light digital candles This will also be private. You can dedicate your candle in any way you like. You can light more than one. Each candle burns for 48 hours.
There will be an opportunity to share and talk about grief at the end of the ceremony. You’ll see if you feel like it. It’s also fine to head out after lighting your candle, and not say a word.
when: on Mon 14-Mar, the collective grief ceremony is held from 7:30-8:30pm EST, with an after-hangout where we can share or talk about grief from 8:30-9:00pm EST
to attend:
with much care and interest,
—Alex
