When I talk with you, how will you know that I am listening to you?
I think about listening often. After we talk(ed), I probably second-guessed myself: did I really listen? Did I miss opportunities to ask you to say more… ? And that we goes for me and anyone after we talk (that’s usually when I become aware of us as a we, in a thing, a moment, a conversation together, even if it’s brief, or light or between strangers who will never see each other again — I guess I’m a little obsessed with listening) if I have a moment after we talk, I typically do a little second-guessing and almost always notice specific instances where
- I could have paused longer and let what you said settle
- I could have given you a chance to continue (a chance that silence might have led you to if I had co-created some silence with you)
- I chimed in, agreed with you, said supportive things, shared my perspective…
instead of hanging on with all my stuff (not that there is anything wrong with my stuff!), and just breathed out a say more…
I don’t mean to make a big deal out of grading this. (That’s another fixation we could talk about; this time toward lowering the frequency, loosening the grip, forgetting to do it). Critiquing, perfecting or providing a framework for optimizing…n-n-no…what interests me is us having good conversations. And by good, I don’t always mean comfy-easy chats and buoyant exits. Though, these are welcome and for some of us, sorely needed.
By good I mean ones where we can be present. In our respective integrities. with just the right-feeling mix of boundaries, consent, intimacy and openness.
Right-feeling? Hehe…that’s a moving not-really-a-target target. That’s the ground. That’s caring about everyone’s place in the room, the moment, the conversation we’re both a part of. There’s no formula for this. It’s a starting place and a general direction. It’s a walk in the woods, down city streets, along a beach, (where do you like to walk?) — it’s a heartbeating. Yeh, not easy to metaphor-packing this one. And that’s perfect for us because that’s where you come in.
When I talk with you, how will you know that I am listening to you?
What would feel right for you? And, of course, it doesn’t have to be about me listening to you, consider anyone you talk with (or would like to): and let’s explore how listening works for you.
Let’s picnic on what it looks like, sounds like, feels like: when you’re being listened to.
There is nothing to prepare.
You will not be put on the spot. When I say let’s explore how listening works for you, I mean to invite to a place where you can do that, and to the extent that you choose to share, we’d love to listen. I know I would: listening is fast-becoming a favorite slowthingtodo.
If this is your kind of thing, or you’d like it to be, sign up to receive invitations to UNDERMININGnormal living room picnics.
UNDERMININGnormal is where deep-thinking, change-seeking women can find community, care and unhurried space for conversations we don’t usually get to have.
Also, some more info is available here —
For a proper welcome to UNDERMININGnormal…
To skip to what is a living room picnic…